“It is more blessed to give than to receive” Acts 20:35

Today marks the second birthday spent without Nana. Birthdays were her thing. I don’t mean her birthday though. I mean ours. All 14 of her grandchildren, their spouses and children, 4 children, 11 of her children in law (I’m being sarcastic… kind of), 5 siblings, 15 nieces and nephews, and many, many more people that were important to her. She never EVER failed to mail us all a birthday card.Nana was never a person with a huge amount of monetary means, but she always knew how to make the most of what she had. She ALWAYS put others before herself. I can’t tell you how many times I came to her house to eat in my late teens, early twenties because I literally had used my last dime to eat with the day before. She never said a word about it and I didn’t have to explain myself. She just loved me and fed me. She was this way with literally everyone she came in contact with.That’s all anyone needs, isn’t it? To be loved beyond measure, with no expectations or consequences. To be remembered on their birthdays and fed when they can’t feed themselves. To know someone is thinking of them always. That is who Nana was to everyone mention above.She sent each card, every single year, without any expectations of even getting a thank you. You see, she got it! She knew the true importance of giving. Giving without receiving. She knew it’s worth!

Now that she is gone, I can tell you with 100% certainty… her cards are missed. She is missed 365 days a year. But today is our day to give back to her and she’s not here to receive it. So I’ve decided to give back the only way I know how.I’ve chosen to donate one dollar to NATIONAL FIBROMYALGIA & CHRONIC PAIN ASSOCIATION in her name for each person that I know she would have sent a birthday card to this year. I really wish I knew the exact count of people, because I know there are more. If you were one of those people, please pay it forward anyway you want to today.I don’t want this day to be lost because we lost her. I want to always remember who she was and to continue to give back the way she did. In small, monumentous ways.

Happy heavenly birthday, sweet angel. I’ll be loving you…

For there is hope for a tree, When it is cut down, that it will sprout again, And its shoots will not fail. Though its roots grow old in the ground And its stump dies in the dry soil, At the scent of water it will flourish And put forth sprigs like a plant.
Job 14:7-9

It's no secret now that I'm in a bit of a rut. While it's a hard place to be at, I'm trying extremely hard to listen to what God is trying to tell me. To teach me. I've spent days studying. Like… legit anything and everything. I've study different shooting techniques, art, social media tips, etc. Everything that I look at or read I think "Why is God showing me this?", "What am I going to apply this to?", "Is there something I need to change?". Then one night while I was looking at pictures I have taken of Ryan Kate it came to me.

"Start over. Go back to the beginning." It went off in my head as clear as anything I have ever heard. Still I had no idea what that meant. Go back to my first picture, my first camera, the day I was born?!…

So I started with my first picture. Well the first picture I took in 2008 with my Canon Rebel. My very first model was my niece, Grace. She was my first baby. I spent so much time with her as a child.

Shooting back then was nothing more than shooting with a throwaway camera. Well a very expensive throwaway camera. It was fun and the start of a brand new adventure. I had no idea then what it would turn into 10 years down the road.

But pulling up my old work didn't really answer my questions. I mean I get it… I've grown. There is absolutely no question about that, but doesn't everyone? I mean if anyone spends 10 years doing something they are eventually going to get better at it. So I decided to go back a little bit further. Back to Bienville. Bienville is my home. It's my families home. Both sides of my family. My paternal grandmother "Mimi" was born there (in the house pictured above.) My roots started there.

I have strong ties to Bienville. My happiest days as a child were spent riding bikes through Bienville with my brother, eating Mimi's homemade fried apple pies, and spending hours and hours staring a Mimi's family picture albums.I am often questioned on how I got started in photography. My answer is always the same. "My husband bought me a camera for Christmas." But if I really dig down deep and answer the question honestly… my love for photography came long before I ever even owned a camera.

I loved looking at how the photographs changed over time. How the ladies wore their clothes and how the pictures turned from black and white to color.

I love the history that pictures tell. The family bonds they shared and how I'm connected to people that walked the same ground as me, but that I never met. How my Mimi was once a little girl like me and how she lived through so many eras. It was and still is so interesting to me. She lived through times when everyone she knew literally had nothing. She lived through The Great Depression. (1929-1939)

Its such an oddly beautiful time to me. Obviously I don't know what it was like living through that decade, but I respect it. Families depended on each other for everything. They weren't caught up on social media wars or the petty things that we focus on today. They just wanted to survive and feed their families. It's so humbling to think about. It honestly inspires to me. My photography and my life.

I get it now. I get what God was trying to tell me. He wanted me to go back to my roots and remember who I am. He wanted me to forget the business I created and reconnect with my roots. So I did. Monday I picked up my very first model/niece, Grace, and took her on a tour of Bienville. I wanted to show her where we came from and what we did as kids.  It was so much fun telling her how the water tower (pictured above) was put up by her Poppa (my dad) when he was the mayor. And how sometimes when he was called out by the fire department me and my brother would have to tag along, but we would get to turn the sirens and lights on.

It was so much fun sharing my home with her. It was even cooler listening to her come up with her own ideas for photoshoots. You know creative people feed off each other, right? Thankfully I have her to bounce ideas off with. 😉

While we were there we searched for places to shoot a depression era session with Ryan Kate. We drove around Bienville and the surrounding area for about 2.5 hours. Which may come as a shock to anyone who has ever passed through Bienville. It takes about 2 minutes to drive straight through town. But I wanted to feel Bienville again. I wanted to remember it the way it use to be. The way I wish it still was. I wanted the pictures of RK to express how beautiful Bienville is to me. How my deep my roots are planted there. How I will never let it be forgotten. Even as my favorite houses fall down. 

This past week has been a whirlwind to say the least.

Friday night I started to get sick and realized I had caught a stomach bug. Thankfully the next day Justin didn't have to work very long so he was able to take over watching Ryan Kate as soon as he got home — and I was released to pop a much needed Phenergan. I found sweet, sweet sleep for several hours until I heard Ryan Kate's little feet hitting the tile in our kitchen which leads straight into our room. So I pried my tired eyes open to see a huge grin and her daddy behind her holding a puppy. The same puppy I was supposed to have 24 more hours to prepare for… The poor baby was ate up by fleas so we took her straight to the bath and bathed her in two different flea shampoos. She is the most precious thing ever. She is so calm and has the sweetest face. The next few hours were great. They were full of sweet snuggles and smiles.

Then night time hit and guess who got stuck with the night shift. I almost typed first night shift, but the problem is that Justin will never take a night shift. He slept through Ryan Kate's colic that was sent to us straight from the devil himself.

I felt somewhat better though so I was prepared for it. I mean I have raised a baby. I could do the one hour wake ups again. I was, however, not prepared for the 15 minute wake up calls. Sweet, little, angel faced puppy had a HUGE case of the runs. So I pretty much just stayed up, outside all night long and fought the urge to throw up.

So the next morning I sent Justin a text and told him something was wrong with the puppy (… he was fishing, of course.) When he got home he took over and I took a nap! While I was napping, he had read online that there were a few minor reasons that could have caused her to be sick, so we decided to wait it out another day.

When I woke up Sunday afternoon we decided to buy a flea collar from our local store just as precaution until she could have flea medicine. You have to know something about me before I explain why I was up for the third night in a row. If there is warning label or side effect on ANYTHING.. there is always an extremely high risk that is going to happen to me. It's not that I'm allergic to anything really, but I have really, really bad luck.

Sunday night we all piled into the bed. I've been letting the puppy sleep with us since I'm a light sleeper and will know when she is awake and needs to go outside. Everything had been going pretty good minus the poop situation. Ryan Kate even fell asleep with her. Around midnight I started to itch. I don't mean like a little bug bite… I mean like full blown hives. I immediately thought about taking Benadryl, but what in the heck was I going to do with diarrhea dog when it knocked me out? SO I put it off — until my throat started to close up. Apparently, I'm allergic to flea collars. I had no choice but to hand her over to Justin, take Benadryl, and get the heck away from that room. Of course, the puppy slept through the rest of the night with him.

The next morning I told Justin she had to go to the vet. I was over it. So he took her while me and Ryan Kate slept the morning away. $120 later we find out that nothing is really wrong with her besides normal puppy stuff. She tested positive for roundworms *yuck!!* and was sent home with medicine. Flea medicine, worm medicine, and diarrhea medicine… plus new dog food and shampoo to heal her little wounds from the flea bites. She was pretty much a different puppy within the next couple of days. But believe me when I say NOTHING stopped Ryan Kate and her from bonding. She totes her around everywhere she goes and if she's not holding her then the puppy is following her every step.

So now that everything has settled down some and we finally picked a name.

Say Hi to Daisy.

Writing this blog started out as a way to connect with fellow photographers and moms. Ryan Kate being my muse and me sharing my creative concepts behind her shoots. I grew tired of it quickly and let it fall quietly through the cracks. There was something missing. 
For a long time I couldn't figure out what is was or even where I was trying to go with it. I had a precious toddler with funny stories and beautiful pictures, but I was writing for all the wrong reasons. I was writing to create an audience. 
Rewind a year ago to when I decided to quit my job and take a huge leap of faith. It kind of sounds like a perfect time to start a blog. There was a ton of new stuff going on, but NONE of this 'new stuff' was anything that I was willing to share. It was an unknowing, embarrassing, scary time. So instead of sharing my real life and the ugly truth I shared my highlights. Ryan Kate. 
Ryan Kate is and without doubt will always be my highlight. She's the number one reason I decided to take this leap of faith and follow this journey that is my new career and calling. (I've settle with knowing this is my calling – there has been too much evidence of that in the past years to deny it now.) While I've made mistakes and learned lessons and doubted every step of the way… being with her has been my constant joy. The highlight of my day. 
Now that I am a year into this journey, with lessons learned the hard way and eager to learn more as I continue, I am ready to begin a new chapter. One that I will be able to look back and enjoy later in life and one that hopefully will shine a light on what it's like as a new mom and business owner. 
It. Is. Hard.
You're the boss. You. Yep… that's it. If you don't get paid, that's on you. No one else. Just you. It sounds really great on the outside, until you deep in the inside wondering where your next pay check is coming from. 
So a little history… I started shooting (not professionally, just as a hobby) in 2008. I have come to realize that this time was an awesome creative FREE time for me. If I didn't feel creative during the next several years, I just didn't shoot. No cares given – my life just went on. 
Now here we are 9 years later and one full time job less – That creative 'free' time is over. I don't have the luxury of just going on with life. You know what happens when I have a creative rut now? I stress. I get anxious. I worry that I'll never be creative again and that I've lost it. Whatever 'it' is that I have.
It never EVER fails that as soon as the first heat waves hit Louisiana my creativeness begins to melt away. Part of this is because is 954 degrees everyday. Some of it has to do with it just being a typical slow time for photographers around our area. But a lot of it has to do with it just being summer and I would 100% rather be digging in the dirt, swimming in RK's kiddie pool or just simply living life with my family. 
So from April 2017 until maybe yesterday?… I have lived with guilt that I'm as not busy as I "need" to be. I have been praying and praying over this. Nothing short of begging God to bring my creativeness back. It may not seem like a long time, but it is very much so when you're running a business and wondering when your next paycheck is coming.
But God has answered my prayers in more ways than one in the past few months. I have learned to trust Him each month to provide for my small business and family. And He has. Each and every month. Learning to not expect everything at once is a hard thing to do, but it helps once you finally accept it. 
So while I'm not 100% back in my creative zone, I am trying. I've figured out that trying is better than completely shutting down. I look forward to when it's completely back and I'm so busy that I can't keep up, but until then I'm determined to enjoy this slow time. Especially since I have a little one to enjoy and her eyes are always looking up to me for answers. 

I failed my way to success. -Thomas Edison

Sometimes, I have big ideas that turn out great. Sometimes, I don’t. This was a “sometimes, I don’t” time. This shoot was rushed, unplanned, and a complete failure… in my head anyway.

So here was the plan. Ryan Kate was going to shoot with a boy tot to make it look like she was cupid and he was a dapper little boy. Mistake number one was planning this the day of. Most of my themed shoots have at least a months worth of planning behind them. Nevertheless, I got up early and started searching for outfits. Luckily, Danielle, Kutter’s mom has just about anything I could have asked for. AND Ryan Kate is the size of her 6 year old daughter. Shocker. So from the outfits, I needed props. I wanted to make Ryan Kate a bow and arrow I had seen on Pinterest. This may have been the easiest part of the whole day.I wanted Kutter to hold roses, but if you didn’t know… all florist shops in North LA close on Saturday’s at 12pm. Okay, I haven’t really checked into this, but it sure felt like it this day!We planned to shoot right at sunset. It is the absolute best lighting of the day, but it was definitely the coldest part! BUT I have found the key to get good picture of Ryan Kate easily… You just add in a little Kutter! She is kind of smitten with him, I think. They’ve grown up around each other and are only a month or so apart. They have always played so well together, so he is my go to guy when I need a boy tot model.But that doesn’t mean I don’t still get my share of mean mug and eye rolls. They just happened to come from Kutter this time!We had to tell them that there were deer out there and they like to eat roses! RK has been talking about shooting a deer with a rose since that shoot. You can’t take the tomboy out of this silly girl.

You see that smile on Kutter’s face? That might be the only one I got. It also could have been because he was being smothered by loving’s from RK.

She sure loves her some Kutter.So maybe I did get some cute shoots of them, not what I planned, but sometimes those are the sweetest shoots. To view their whole session, visit here.