Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge. . .

Today is THE day! Our sweet, silly, tomboy is four years old. I seriously can’t believe we are already here at this milestone. She is like a for real kid now. Like is argumentative, opinionated, sarcastic, but still cute so it’s kind of funny kid. She is everything and more than I hoped for in a little girl and I wouldn’t change her personality for anything… well depending on what day you ask me on.This child is bull-headed, hot-tempered, and full of independence. She really doesn’t need me there. I just follow along because, well, she lets me. She is Idgie Threadgoode… but kind of cuter.I have thought about doing a Fried Green Tomatoes themed shoot for awhile now. I’ve bounced around ideas for wardrobe and props for at least a year or more. I finally decided to shoot this past Saturday. I literally had one outfit pulled together. So at 10pm, on Friday, I went to Walmart to see what I could find. I don’t know why I do this to myself, but this is how it happens.                                                                                              Every. Single. Time.Shout out to our local honey makers – Jennings Apiaries – for the sweet prop!I’ll admit that part of the last minute “go ahead” was because I hadn’t shot her yearly birthday picture. We didn’t even plan a party this year. Our whole life is still kind of crazy at home. Remodeling is still happening, work is busier than ever, and we have been sick on top of it all. So basically we just suck this year. Next year, we will go all out. Promise!Ryan Kate knows that she isn’t getting a party this year, but she honestly could care less. Or, at least, that is how she is acting. We plan on keeping it pretty low key today around the house. Then on Saturday, she will have her first gymnastics recital and we’ll have pizza and cake with family.

If I’m being completely honest, I wish this was how every birthday was. Party planning stresses me out! I always want to give her the moon and the stars and I end up going way over budget and I hardly even get to stop to take pictures or enjoy the friends and family that come. I miss the days when everything was so much more simple. If you had told my four year old self that we were going out for pizza and ordering a cake for my birthday I would have been so excited. I can honestly remember maybe four actual birthday parties. And for no other reason than people just didn’t do Pinterest parties every year.I want Ryan Kate to be raised this way, in a way, too. I don’t want her to expect the moon and the stars. I want her to appreciate them when they come but not anticipate their yearly arrival.

She already thinks that the world revolves around her on a daily basis, so we needn’t prove that to her on her birthday! ...that’s not entirely true. She doesn’t think it just happens to revolve around her. She makes it revolve around her. If something isn’t happening the way she wants it to, she figures out a way to make it happen. I’m not talking about her throwing a fit to get her way (because that does happen). What I’m talking about is so much more than this. Watching her figure out ways to become more independent blows my mind. If we tell her no, because we are too busy or it’s not time for whatever IT is that she wants; she will figure out a way to get it on her own. It doesn’t matter if she has to run all the way across the house to get her stool to stand up on top of it to reach something, or if she has to run out in the rain (barefoot – mostly naked) to get something out of the car. She’ll get the job done. With or without you.I love that about her. I love so many things about her. Her fearlessness is by far my favorite though. I hope she never loses that. I hope that she never doubts herself or thinks that she can’t do something because she doesn’t have someones help. I hope that she always finds a way, her way, on her own.

Happy Birthday, my sweet, Bee Charmer.

Music credit: Thomas Newman – Ghost Train (Fried Green Tomatoes Soundtrack)

So here we are eight days into 2018 and I’m already ready for the year to be over. Fourteen days ago I couldn’t wait for the new year. New year, new goals and I was ready! I even looked forward to the break and holidays to be over.

I’m a creature of habit. I like for everything to have its place, happen the way I plan, and everything to run like a well oiled machine. As a mother I have adjusted a little to unexpected sicknesses or unplanned meltdowns, but even those events are mentally prepared for. Christmas, however, is the one holiday that I put my foot down and don’t let anyone or anything get in the way of how I think it should go.

We start preparing a month before. A perfect, fresh tree is picked the weekend after Thanksgiving. I say perfect loosely because the thing never fits in our living room the way it’s supposed to.

This was our second year going to Nelson’s Christmas Tree Farm. We’ve had one of their trees every Christmas since we’ve moved in the house. Even last year when we waited too late to go get one. Since I’m a traditionalist and couldn’t bare the thought of having a fake tree in the house, I spent two hours picking the needles off of the last tree and spray painted the whole tree white. It honestly was my favorite tree.

We get the tree decorated, get Ryan Kate’s Christmas list made, do festive stuff and spend days hoping and praying that everything I’ve ordered online will arrive before Christmas. (Side note: I HATE in store shopping.) I wrap the presents as soon as they arrive to avoid Ryan Kate seeing hers or anyone else’s presents. (She has a huge mouth!) It never fails that after I wrap the last present I start to feel like it’s not enough. This year was no different.

A week before Christmas we decided her big present was going to be a bunny. It was the cheapest route we could go considering she had originally wanted an elephant. Not only did I have a week to find a bunny, but a week to find a baby, Holland Lop bunny. Apparently, no one in North LA had any lop bunny action in November. Thankfully, I found a breeder just 20 minutes from where my mom lives down south. This worked out perfect since she was coming up to spend Christmas morning with us. Ryan Kate never had a clue until she woke up Christmas morning!

Christmas Day was ah-mazing. We woke up early, opened presents, made Santa pancakes, cooked lunch, watched old Christmas movies and enjoyed each other. It was a nice break from going 20 different places in one day like we usually do.

We went to bed full and happy. Around 3am Ryan Kate woke up thirsty. I fixed her a glass of water and she didn’t even take a sip before she threw up. I was hopeful that it was just her sinuses until it happened again, and again, and again. . . We went through 9 blankets before her poor little sick body had trained itself to roll over and throw up in the trash can. It was awful and I hated seeing her like that. Throughout the day she started to feel better and we started to feel like it was about about to catch us at any moment. Before we went to bed, I asked Justin to take the tree out so that we could move Peter rabbit’s cage in the living room. This decision seems so random considering we all felt sick at this point, but I would soon realize that God made that decision for us.

We decided to sleep on the couch that night too. We have a big sectional couch so it’s perfect for us to all have room to sleep on. We have never all spent the night in our living room, but again unknowingly God was making that choice for us.

Around 6:55am I woke up to a popping noise. At first I thought that maybe Justin had stayed home because he didn’t feel good. So I looked over the couch through our dinning room to our French doors to see if I could see him and what he was doing. That is when I saw the flame. Initially, I thought that he was burning boxes or something in the fire pit right off our porch. I got up to see what was going on because the flame was huge. When I got to the door reality hit and I saw the corner of our porch was on fire. As soon as I saw it the smoke detector started to go off. I’m not sure if that’s what woke Ryan Kate up or if I screamed, but I’ll never forget the way she looked at me when I scooped her up in her blanket to run her outside.

I had to sit her down on the porch to run back in to grab my cell phone that I had left charging in our room. I remember her yelling saying that she didn’t like that fire on her house and me trying to reassure her that everything was fine. I have no idea how reassuring I sounded because inside I was terrified.

At 6:56am I called 911 and at 6:57am I called Justin to tell him to get there ASAP. As soon as he hung up, I ran back inside to get my camera and hard drive. I knew that the fire was only seconds from going in my office and the only thing I could think of was that if I’m going to lose all of my printed pictures, at least I could get my hard drive where I have everything backed up. I also knew that if I ever needed to work to provide for my family it was going to be after this. Thankfully, everything was all together in my Kelly Moore Bag from being used during Christmas Day.

I ran back outside and grabbed Ryan Kate. You have to know that this particular morning was windy and around 30 degrees. We had both slept in T-shirts and didn’t have time to put any other clothes on. All we had was what we had on and blankets. It was freaking freezing and I knew I had to get her somewhere warm. I don’t remember having a plan of how I was going to do that, but as soon as I turned the corner off my front porch I saw my neighbor. He was hollering and blowing his horn to get us out of the house. He thought we were still asleep I think. As soon as I could reach his truck I put Ryan Kate in the truck and ran to the water hose.

When I started to spray the water I just knew it wasn’t doing any good. All I could see was fire everywhere I looked. Glass was popping and the wind was blowing so hard. I felt like time was standing still and I swore I heard sirens but the longer I stood there the more it hit me that we were about to lose everything. I kept thinking what would Justin want me to get of his. I literally couldn’t think of anything. I thought about my grandmother’s pictures, her jewelry… and then I looked down at my hand. Her ring, my wedding ring wasn’t on my hand. I panicked. I gave the water hose to my neighbor and I ran to the front door.

The smoke was so thick I couldn’t even see into our kitchen but I went in anyway. That ring means so much to me and I wasn’t willing (as stupid as it sounds) to let it go. I went straight to the bathroom and slipped it on my finger. It wasn’t until an hour or so later that I realized that I had thrown the middle of the ring into another room when I was running back out. When I started back out the front door I saw Peter. I had forgotten about him until then. I feel horrible about that now, but I’m so glad he was still ok and I was able to give him to Ryan Kate when I ran back out.

At 7:07am Justin and the fire chief pulled up. Justin made me get in his truck so that I could warm up and to be there for Ryan Kate. I sat there in that truck with Ryan Kate and Peter on my lap and just stared at the house. The fire truck wasn’t there yet and I didn’t understand why they were just standing there.

When I gave the water hose to my neighbor my thought was that the fire had reached the attic and we couldn’t stop it with the water hose. I had no idea that I had put it out. I didn’t know until after my mother in law got there and Justin came back to the truck to check on us.

I’m so glad that she came and Ryan Kate didn’t have to see more than she did. I was able to go inside to get a few of her clothes out to send with her. That is when I found the middle part of my ring. My heart broke walking in her room. Ever since we’ve brought her home from the hospital her room has smelled like baby lotion. I breath it in every time I walk in her room. But on December 27th her room filled with smoke and the smell still lingers today.

We still have so much work to do before the house is back to normal. I told Justin yesterday that I can’t wait for the day that we look back on this and say thank God we made it through that.

It has been a hard adjustment, but it could’ve been so much worse. The one thing that hasn’t changed is that we are still together and we are still in God’s hands. Everything that we have lost can be replaced, and everything that couldn’t be replaced was outside sitting on the front porch within the first minute.

There is no one else that we can thank more than Him. He put the thought in my head to move the Christmas tree that was blocking the front door that night and willingness in Justin to move it. He made sure I was close enough to the fire to hear it the instant it started and He was there every second after. I know that I will fail time and time again remembering that He ultimately has control of everything, but even through this crisis I thank Him for everything.

You know, it’s kind of hard to say which parent I got my creativeness from. It’s pretty easy to see that my artist genes came from my dad, but my imagination and no limit style came straight from mom. Honestly, even as I’m typing this I’m rolling my eyes because it’s difficult for me to choose which parent I get the most of one thing from. They both have accomplished similar things. They are both pilots, extremely intelligent, and both creative in their own rights. BUT since it’s Mom’s birthday today I will give her the spotlight. She is 51 years old today. (I’m legit texting her right now to confirm this. For some reason my parents are stuck at the age 35 in my mind. After those birthdays I lost track and have to ask or do the math… every year.) When I tell you our personalities are like oil and water… I. AM. NOT. LYING. We butt heads a lot. I think this is typical of mother daughter relationships, but there’s no way to sugar coat ours.

To be completely honest, it wasn’t until I became pregnant with Ryan Kate that I found a new level of respect for her. It is hard being a mom. I get that now. There are sacrifices you have to make and looking back I can see several that she made for my brother and I that I never saw before becoming a mother myself.  Mom is the definition of a feminist. Her picture is right there beside the definition. I know that because I have to look in the dictionary every time she speaks. I never know the huge words she uses. Ok, not every time, but a lot and thankfully I’ve learned how to use context clues. Thank God for Google too! I’m not exaggerating. She is freaking brilliant. Right now she works for some company doing some important thing that I don’t understand. I could probably call her and get her to spell out what she does, but really all you need to know is that she is super smart AND that she is still in the aviation field. Mom got her degree in Aviation from Louisiana Tech. She was a young mother and wife during that time, but she didn’t let that stop her from pursuing her dream of becoming a pilot. Not only did she not let that stop her, but she didn’t let the huge factor of aviation being a male dominated field stand in her way either. It makes me extremely proud to tell people she is a pilot. I think my strong will of doing and becoming who I want to roots back to being raised by her. She taught to me be independent and to not rely on a man at a very early age. See there is her feminist trait rearing up again. I am extremely grateful for those lessons though. It has gotten me to where I am now. I will do everything in my power to pass that down to Ryan Kate as well… not that it will be hard to do. Just look at her. lol You know how they say some genetic traits skip a generation? Well I’m pretty positive that personalities do too. Before my Nana (mom’s mom) past away last year she told me that Ryan Kate acts just like Mom did as a child. I didn’t really agree until now. Ryan Kate has the biggest imagination. Sometimes when she tells me stories they sound just like stories Mom would tell my brother and I when we were little. I have a pretty good imagination myself, but I have to sit on stories and build them up as I go. Mom and Ryan Kate can just spit them out of the top of their heads like it’s as simple as breathing. So I’m not sure if the tradition is going to carry on with Ryan Kate’s and my relationship since she is so much like mom. Let’s hope for oil and vinegar?!In honor of Mom’s birthday I decided to take her pictures at the new Ruston Regional Airport. And I say “new” because she when she was flying in Ruston, 20 something years ago, the airport was at a different location. I probably could’ve bought her something that she’d really enjoy (like an encyclopedia or something smart people like), but I knew she would treasure these pictures since aviation is a main part of who she is. To be honest, I feel like it is a little of who I am too. I grew up flying all of the time with mom and loved every second of it. I kind of always thought at some point in my life I would get a pilots license too, but so far it hasn’t even been on my radar of things to do before I die. (According to my husbands fear of flying – I would die if I flew anywhere. So it may be my last dying wish.) I’d be lying if I said I didn’t leave the airport that day thinking about it though. I even shot a text to my dad and told him that. His response was, “It’s in your genes.” He isn’t kidding either. My mother, father, uncle, and grandfather are all pilots. Can you imagine if Ryan Kate grows up to be a pilot?! Part of me wants her to just so I can do a transformation side by side picture! Fly, baby, fly!

She has some pretty big jackets to fill. . . Happy Birthday, Mom! We love to you to the sky and back! Watch our full session here!

You know it’s kind of hard to write about someone you love so much. To have your words give a relationship justice.

This week my dad & Ryan Kate’s Papa will turn 55 years old.

I am so thankful he is in our lives still. So many of my closest friends have lost a parent recently and it all makes reality seem a little more real. You never think at 30 or younger that you would lose a parent so young but it happens too often. I’m grateful for one more day with him to celebrate another year of love, laughter, & prayers. I could probably write a novel or three on my dad and the life he has lead. The accomplishments, the heartache and the love that he carries in him. I am so proud to call him my dad. I am sure at some point or another I will write a detailed post on who he is, but today I just want to share the parts of him that I love the most.

The Family Man.

When our family is turned upside down, he always pulls us back together. Some way. Some how. Our family dynamic isn’t much different than anyone else’s in 2017. It has been torn and tattered. We have welcomed and lost family members. We have fought and loved. Thankfully, I think, as we are all getting older we have learned where we all stand. Together. We wouldn’t have found that if it wasn’t for his family values.

The Praying Man.

My dad is a Godly man. A praying man. There isn’t a meal that we have ate in the past year that he hasn’t blessed. It hasn’t always been this way, but it has been as long as Ryan Kate has been around. It is her favorite part of going to her Papa’s house. He will be the first to look up scripture when it’s needed or say that you just need to “pray about it”.

I remember one year, at the end of one of my hardest relationships, completely breaking down in my dads arms. I can’t remember what exactly I was crying about or what the circumstances were then (it happened more often that I care to name). The thing that I remember the most was dad praying with me while my crocodile tears hit his shirt. I’m almost certain that was the last time I cried over that particular relationship. I didn’t feel so alone after that prayer. I knew I had someone behind me. God & my dad.

The Creative Man.

I’ve never been much of a painter or drawer, but my artistic gene comes from my dad. He has always drawn anything we’ve asked him to so effortlessly. I remember as a kid watching him draw Santa Claus and his reindeer at Christmas time for us. I wish so badly that I could find one of those drawings now. It was part of my childhood that I hold dear to my heart.

Dad has always been an encourager of mine when it came to art. Not by telling me this was something I needed to do or should do, but by telling me that he never worried about me making money and that I could be anything I wanted to be. When the time is right I will share that story. It is one that has stuck with me and stays in the back of my mind when I think of quitting.

The Funny Man.

If you have ever spoken to my dad then you have probably shared a laugh with him. Aside from him being one of the funniest people I know; he has the most incredible belly laugh. The kind of laugh that I will always hear, long after he is gone. Watching him play with Ryan Kate and making her laugh just as hard is one of my favorite things in life.

 Dad,
You are one of the most important people in my life.
I hope that you always know how much you mean to me.
I am so thankful to be apart of yours.
Happy Birthday.
I love you.
-Ashley